The Booty Call

I have been thinking about this slang term for almost a week now and I still can't put my finger on it. Of course I have to explain why. Last Monday my phone rang at about 1:48 A.M. Now, being a boring old man these days, my first thought was, oh lord I hope someone is not in trouble. So, I do what any panicked individual might do, since my phone doesn't ring much these days especially at that time of the morning on a Monday. I jump up in search of the phone and hoping I would get to in time. No name on the caller Id, so for sure it was something bad, I thought!

A strange woman came on the line "hey you...whhhaattt are you dooooing?!
What the fuck? I thought to myself, it doesn't sound like someone is in trouble it sounded like a drunk teenage cheerleader on boones farm!

So after a It's me and a who? do I quickly figure out who decided to bless me with a phone call that interrupted my dream of screwing two Swedish models with a 30 inch dildo attached to my forehead! oh yeah it was a good one! They kind that puts a smile on your face in the morning like you really got laid the night before!

Anyway, It was this chick I use to fool around with along time ago. We had chit chated a few times over the years, it was nice knowing her, but, she became too attached to fast, and so you know the rest of the story on that one. I suppose I shouldn't have been showing off in the bedroom like I did!

She goes on to explain that she had been drinking all night and was on her way home and that she needed someone to keep her awake. I should have just hung up the phone. But, I thought I would pay it forward, since there have been so many people over the years that I have called for the same reasons. My friends of course because anyone other then my friends would have been a booty call. And that's when it hit me. Was this a booty call or does this chick think I am one of her friends.

She gets home we chat for about an hour or so and she goes to bed. I wake the next morning to a text message stating she was so hungover and to thank me for keeping her up. Now I was bothered, what the fuck is wrong with me, how did I let a drunk chick drive all the way home when she could have easily stayed at my house! Did I pass up a booty call or was this girl full of shit. Which lets me wonder what exactly is a booty call this days.

Since, I have never really done a booty call before, I think I tried once but I was so fucked up I couldn't talk and it backed fired. I wake the next morning fully clothed beside a naked woman and as my eyes open I hear "so did you really mean what you said last night? WHAT? UH? Yup, it went just like that. So I never did it again., same goes for today. Don't even think about calling a female if she is not a friend!

But what warrants a booty call. The time of day? O.K, I figure that can be anytime of day, since one is just calling for a piece of meat! I've been horned up at ten A.M hoping someone called into work today! How bout after they have been drinking? Ive been known to be drunk at 2 in the afternoon, walk outside the bar as a blast of sun light burns my retinas, thinking its gonna be a long day, I have a date in a few hours. So these questions or rules are not acceptable.

This is the way that booty call should have happened, one should not have to think if its a booty call or not. Or if the receiver is just being nice and don't want a booty call! Here is what the conversation should have been like so that miscomunication does not occur!!

"hey whhhhaattt are you ddooinngg"? Its me? You don't know who this is?! We use to fuck each others brains out! Does this ring a bell?

At this point she needs to put the phone on speaker and begin to make gagging and dripping wet slurping noises like she was actually sucking a dick while she drove.

"oh yeah I remember you! wwhhhaatt are you doooing?"

"I had way to much to drink and so I'm driving home, as a matter of fact I was in you area and was thinking about you so bad, so bad, I thought I must have spilled a drink in my lap that's how wet I am! "oh my god that sounds horrible, why don't you stop by my house and grab a towel, I just finished laundry last night?"
"your so silly, I have towels at home, but, how bout I come over to watch a movie" Nah I cant all my T.V's are broken!"

" Well, can I stop by just to say hi! I haven't seen you in a few years and it would be nice to give you a hug"

"That does sound like a good idea, but I stopped having sex with fat chicks, my buddies told me they saw you a couple of weeks ago and they told me you looked like you gained another person, I do have a fantasy about twins, but I don't think one person weighing the same as two people is NOT the same thing, how bout I talk on the phone with you till you get home safe, I can help you stay awake!!"

That's the way the conversation should have gone, now that girl thinks it's okay for her to call me at all times of the morning and talk, or drop subtle hints of a booty call. Now I have read this a few times thinking this could be offense but fuck it, If you weren't the one calling me Monday at 1:45 in the morning you have nothing to worry about!! What the hell was I thinking I should have just hung up phone!