Friday, February 26, 2010

Just one of those days

I spent abut 20 minutes at CVS today day, trying to talk myself in and out of buying beard and hair dye. I woke up this morning and looked at myself to long in the mirror and notcied not a few grey hairs on my head, but it was like they trippled in numbers in the past few months, my beard, for get about it, it is totally white in some spots.  So, as I stood in that isle going over the different brands and prices, an old woman passed by and said "son, no since in coloring it, if its gonna fall out anyway." She had a solid point, but, now I was worried about my receading hair line! Was it that bad? It must have been for a blind old hag like herself to notice! So I placed the boxes back down and moved over to the rogain section of the isle, and stared at the different brands and prices.  I wouldnt be damned of that old lady swung back around and said "son, I think your better off spending your money on some razors."  There I was in the middle of the fucking isle about to body slam this 75 year old lady, when I calmed down and came to my senses, "respect your elder" popped in my head and said "yea your right mam, but I am growing out my beard on purpose,  if you would like, I can let you have the money to purchase  high fiber pills, or depends." Fucking lady bust out with, " you see son you can't change ugly".  How low did I feel at that point.  Hair is turning white, hair is falling out and I have a 75 year old lady bustin my fucking balls in the middle of CVS. Damn white old ladies are the worst.

As I walked out the store with my head in shame and embarrasment, I tripped and fell.  I was able to catch my self in a way as to not face plant on the damn sidewalk. And the fucking old lady crepped on by and asked if I needed to borrow her walker. I grinned, collected my self and just kept walking.  I got home and was just in total shock, I sat on the chair and after awhile I was like the fuck just happened. Why me? I am the last guy that needs to be fucked with by old white people.  I give them the right of way on the damn road, I dont honk or yell with impaitence when I see there blue head of hair just above the steering wheel, and a big ass blue handicap parking tag hanging from the rear view as they do 20 miles under the speed limit, residential or highway. When I am in the car with others and see them growing impaitent I simply say relax we will be there to one day.  I have stopped on the sides of highways to help them out, and smile with gratitiude when they hand me a quarter for a tip for changing there tire or giveing them a battery charge when they left there damn headlights on in the parking lot.  I think today is the day that I stop being nice to old ladies.  I will lay on my horn and tailgate hoping to incite a major heart attack. I will never again let them jump in front of me on a busy intersection. And if they are on the side of the road let AAA help em out. lmao

I will most likely contiue to be nice to old ladies, since my mother is that age and would like people to be nice to her, she's not anything like the "hell lady" at CVS, so I would imagine she wouldn't get treated with disrespect. But whereever you are Mrs. Queen Bitch of the geriatrics, I'll be watching out for you.  Until we meet again in that CVS you better watch your hunched back! For all I know she's probably a trained cage fighter and was looking for a fight today. She might have seen that snickers comercial with the lady from the golden girls and got pumped up.  But in the end, I learned something from her, no hair dye, no shampoo that gaurantees hair restoration will ever prevent you from growing old. Its life. But, me thinking that old ladies should be sweet and humble.shhiittt, not that one. What the hell was I thinking!?

Friday, February 12, 2010

VDAY my ass

I would like to wish all the happy couples a happy vday. Vday is a day I hate the most, no, not because I dont have anyone to share it with but because I  believe that society and media puts pressure on men to make it special.  I feel if you love your women tell her or show her 355 days out of the year.  Buy her flowers for no reason, well maybe not all the time,men have to be careful with that shit, cause according to womens magazines and friends, if a woman gets flowers out of the blue and its not a vday or bday, we are cheating! But thats not the point I am trying to make. This is my point.

Since I am a man, and speaking from a male point of view, I want to see women scurrying to find that man a special gift.  I want to see a man open a fucking box and say "she went to jared". I want to see women hustling at the flower shop to send their men a box of flowers. Why is it that on Vday, I only see men shopping and stressing!  Men dont ask each other "what did she get you for vday? We ask "what did you get your woman /girl?", when they do tell us and it was over 500 bucks our only reply is "man I bet she sucked the skin off your dick."  If he dont get that response, well, it was a shitty gift or she dont suck dick, which means she wont be around next year.

This day and age women are becoming more and more independent, they always think they dont need a man for shit, but when vday comes around they wish they had one. I hear from my single women friends "I'm alone for vday, its so depressing" what I want to say is no, its not. You just wish someone spent money on worthless shit to express that they love you so that everyone around you can see that someone loves you.  Get over it ladies, men only buy things for you on vday cause we fill we have to by society, we know that if we dont you will be pissed.  We also know that if we dont make it special your friends will talk shit about us and smart men know that if your best friends are not pleased, then you will not be pleased too.  And there is nothing worse than your best friend against us regardless of how big you say our dick is, hell she might say some shit just to break us up so she can really find out how big our dick is.

In the end spoil us for once, no, sex and blowjobs dont count on vday. We get those for bdays and enjoy them cause that is our one day to be spoiled.  Blowjobs and sex on vday is just showing us how good we did in making you feel loved and we lie there comparing the quality of it based on how much money we spent. we ar thinking "Damn she sucked a better dick on my bday, but ,tonight she aint doing what I know she is capapable of doing, she must have not like what I did for vday!" At that point we know you are just going thru the motions and we start thinking about your best friend and what she thought about the gifts you reiceved! Best friend is usually naked and doing a better job.  Damn did I just get men in women, Im just not thinking right is all~

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

"Cant teach an old dog new tricks"

I started out the evening at MedClinic, my roomate was really sick and so I took him. I wanted to say "suck it up bitch, I have been plenty sick and I drive my ass to and from and guess what I have no insurance so I also have to wait in pain at cvs cause they dont fax the fuckin perscribtion!!" Then again I rather have no insurance than have insurance under Obama's plan. Doh!  But, I couldnt, and I would have never said no.  He was at the hospital for me several times...he just didnt buy me fucking flowers! So in turns out he is fine, just has the flu, that means I will have it in about 2 days. So idecided to go out tonight while I was feeling good. I may be sick during the most important days of the week.(weekend) but I figure I would make it up tonight.  And I did.

Friends that read this, know I am the guy that really can care less, I can make best friends with just about anybody, mother, grandmother, father, primo, daughter you get it. Im charming, funny, and likeable based off those that love me...of course. Well just dont ask the ex's or women I scare away ,naturally.  Its like a resume, you dont put referrences on paper that might say some bad shit.

So I'm hanging at this bar, and this woman starts hitting on me. She was old. I can see it, everyone can see, but, you know me maybe she is just being friendly, needs someone to talk with it. I can do that, shit if things go right as old as she is she might have a daughter, niece, or grandchild, she could hook me up with. Yes alsways the business man, "maybe you cant do shit for me, but, you might know someone who can". Well, thats a polaticans stance, but I had to let that go based off the pictures that are circulating.

As it turns out she was 56, but got damn... judging from her plastic surgey she was a rich 56 year old with a 55 year old body.    Some might say damn thats old, shit, in my famliy thats the same age as my oldest brother. So she comes on strong," hey big boy can I buy you a drink" as she clutches my right arm. "hell yes you can, but, I only drink the finest" i say with a smile and a flex of that right arm muslce." when she tells me "you dont look like a scotch man" I tell her "your right, we both can see the bottle of miller light infront of me, then again you dont look like a pedophile" She busted out laughing. Nice to meet a women with a since of humor. "Johhny walker blue" she yells to the bartender. At that pont I knew he was pouring a one once shot that was 15 bucks.  I didnt know if I was excited about the fine liquid that was about to touch my lips or the shame I was about to put myself through for that price. Hell I want chicks to flat out show me there ass if i buy them one domestic beer, imagain what I would have to do for this shit, thats like  6 beers from that point of view.

We talk about the usual shit, the place, the weather, the music, favorite food, and then the question, how old are you.  I say 30, she says, I was hoping you were 25. I'm like why, and on all that is holly, she says, 25 they fuck with hard dicks, at 30 they fuck to bust a nut before they go soft. I laughed but not to be out witted, I quickly  say how old are you she says 55, I told her, I wish you were younger than thirty she says why, young enough not to care how I was fucking just glad I dont have kids. , any older, i have to worry about denture glue on my sheets you've seen the commercial, guy with hard had hanging 100 feet in ther air...cmon.

At this point she tells me, I think I like you, You aint scared of shit, since im on a roll, I say maybe you didnt hear me...denture glue. Turns out she was a dallas cowboy cheerleader, kids my age that are gradutating from medical and law school. She almost had me, then again I almost had her, normaly I go with the flow but tonight I just had to talk myself out it. I was too scared, I knew that woman would have done some things to me, that would have spolied my ass. It might have been the greatest night of my life, but you cant teach an old dogs new tricks, but you can always teach a young dog, and tonight I was to young and scared to be taught anything that I could never teach. What the hell was I thinking!